...UNEXPECTED CUTS IN MY WRIST...(i cut myself to abate the PAIN that i am feelin')

A SUNDAY with so much PAIN..

paggising ko p lng..

i know that it will not gonna be a HAPPY day...

kc nmn wala n kgad ako sa mood...mlungkot n kgad ako...ewan ku b kung bkit..cguro dhil sa'yo n mtagal n hindi ngppramdam...hay nkuu

obsessed??? n b tlga ako?? ewan ko ba..ang gulo n ng utak ko...

gusto ko ng smko..pero hindi dapt...dhil pagkatapos ng hirap at lhat ng sakit ay may kplit n tuwa at sarap sa huli..pero hanggang kealan ako mghihintay...

NO ONE CAN WAIT FOREVER....
RIGHT???

hay nkuu...

blak cko nga ay hindi n lng ako llbas ng classroom para d kita mkita pero parang my ngtutulak sa akin para lmbas para lng hnpin at tingnan ka..aruy..pyscho alert!!!

i miss you so much...

hay...gnwa ko lng ung proj. nmin sa economics..catalog

hay nkuu...

kkpagod mg-isip sa taong alam ko nmng hindi mn lng ako iniisip..sigh*

uhmm..tpos internet..wala p din eh..T_T

nung nginternet ako i checked websites for my college then read my blog before this ayun ung nangyari..

I DESERVE A BETTER SCHOOL FOR MY COLLEGE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

D KO TLGA INEEXPECT N GNGNWA KO N ALAM KONG HINDI KO KAYA (MAGLAS-LAS)..CGURO TOO MUCH PAIN N DIN CGURO D N KO NG-IISIP...

hay..:((

then ligo n ko...

then punta na sa church 3:30 pm. choir practice

then kanta.kanta.kanta

kaw p rin na isip ko..hay..:((

then sa mass lmlipad ang utak ko...

labasan na..

*saw u...

then puntang market para dun smkay pauwi...

hanggang ngyon i am not feeling well..

i am so sad,exhausted,ewan ko...hanggang kelan ako mgkkgnito...

SORRY para sa nsaktan ko...

C_d....


nahihirapan tlga ako...T_T

sonnet 22 (time won't heal my broken heart)

How do I overcome hurt?

Let us see day to day.

Sunday,
I breakdown and cry but no one's there to cure.

I shouted out so loud on Monday,
but I felt like nobody's here to care.

So that no one can see me dying deep inside,
i started pretending on Tuesday.

Wednesday,
I still continued pretending like nothing happened after that nightmare day.

Thursday,
I don't understand myself, why I cannot share?

With the people I share with my life everyday, that's the reason why I felt like nobody's there.

My tears started to fall in public for the reason I kept all the pain inside, since that day

I realized what have you done to me, you're such a PREVARICATOR! On Friday,

It really hurts like hell

you smiling like you didn't hurt anyone!

I was thankful because I will not see you and forget you on Sunday.

It'd been a week,
feeling blue and ignorant in front of everyone.

Since that nightmare day of my life up to the present day, and up to the upcoming day.

I know that time won't heal the broken hearted me, caused by someone.

MY FINAL TEARDROP

Countless nights I cried

thinking of way to forget you;

Being hurt cannot be denied,

because you have changed

my life.

I never realized earlier,

that loving you was a big mistake.

Spending my time for you was unfair;

waking up from this foolishness came

just too late.

Is it right to love someone like you,

who touched my heart, so true;

But what are these tears for?

Are they for you who hurt me more?

A teardrop of happiness

that taught me how to lie,

Tears of loneliness

that made me cry...

Some says "that's the way life goes",

some will hurt and love you, who knows?

But there's one thing I want to give up:

for you I'll give this,

"My Final Teardrop"

one rainy afternoon

I am actually sleepy this afternoon because of the coldness that rain brought to the wind that are colliding into my face and body,

I felt cold but it was good because cold and rainy weather is better than a hot,sad weather.

Honestly, i love rain for the reason that no one will gonna see me crying while walking in the road that was full of sad memories..,

Does crying always meant by just falling of tears?
well,i guess not, because crying could also be inside of you without anyone hearing that you're shouting out loud to overcome all!

There is also a reason for me to hate rain.It is the thing that you should bring your umbrella to keep you dry but when i saw my friends without any umbrella. I want to share them my umbrella but we won't fit, right? Because my umbrella is so small..duh!

I hate seeing the people i love so wet in the rain.

I would rather join them hanging with rain than see myself dry under the umbrella..,

I wished that the person I cherished is okay at this time
and how I wished...

I will be your friend..

C_d..

if i were going to die tonight would you even care???

sana lng..

ksi kung alam mo lng hirap na hirap n ko dahil syo.
.lagi kitang naiisip eh..
nakakainis nga un eh..
minsan bangag n ko..
d ko n alam ggwin ko..
minsan wala n ko sa srili ng dahil syo..
ang hirap..
bkt p kc ikaw ang minahal ko??
ikaw n walang pkialam sa mundo...
pero sa akin ikaw ang kmukumpleto sa mundo ko..
hindi kc pwde n mhalin kita..
alm mo nmn kung bkt db??

sana mbsa mo to..

kaya nga iniiwasan kita khit n sobrang skit n ng nararamdamn ko..
hindi ko n alam ang ggwin ko..
tpos ung ckreto ko alam mo n ata?? ewan!!
ang gulo n ng utak ko dahil syo..
i hate myself when it comes to loving someone like you..
pinahihirapan mo k ong sobra,
,inis tlga,,aww!!!

i hope you can hear me cry..
i wish you can hear what i am saying and the things i want to say to you...
i wish you can also love me..
i wish,i wish i can teach your heart to love,,,
but the worst thing is i can hope and dream these things that i know that will only happen in my dreams...
thing that will never and impossible to happen..:((..

i am giving up this life..
i had enough pain!!!

you know nothing...wala ka kasing pakialam sa'kin...a worthless me...

akala mo ay msaya ako dahil tumatawa ako ng mlakas at ngumiti tulad ng karamihan pero sa loob at sa likod ng bawat tawa at ngiti sa aking mga labi ay may nakukubling mga luha dulot mo...

sa paaralan habang ako'y nglalakbay papasok hanggang sa paglabas ko at pagp sok muli ay ikaw ang nasa isip ko...

pagsapit ng dilim at sa aking paghilata sa aking kama sa loob ng aking madilim at malungkot n silid ay kabalikat ko ang aking musika na ipinapahayag ng aking damdamin...napapnsin ko n lamang n unti-unting tumutulo ang aking luha sa aking mga mata hanggang sa aking unan na gabi-bagi kong iniiyakan dahil sayo..siya lamang ang nakakaalam ng aking mga paghihirap sa tuwing akoy nagiisa sa aking silid n puno ng tanong na nagmula sa iyo...

at bago ako umidlip ay parati kong tinatanong ang Diyos kung bakit gnito ang buhay ko?? parang ang hirap nmn ata nito..alm kong tutulungan niya ako kya hindi ako sumusuko...ipinagkakaloob niya ang mga suliraning ito upang mas lalo pa akong tumatag dito sa lupang puno ng kahirapan at problema...

akoy ngpapasalamat dahil ntapos n nmn ang isang araw ng paghihirap ng aking damdamin...

pagsapit ng bukang liwayway ay muling mumulat ang aking mga namumugting mga mata upang harapin n nmn ang isang araw n my nkahaing mabibigat na problema para sa aking damdamin...

sana sumapit n ang panahon na ako'y malalagy na sa tahimik at ika'y minamahal n rin ako..o kaya bigyan mo lmang ako kahit konting pansin lamang...salamat

C_d....

ang malamlam kong mga mata sa ilalim ng ulan

ngyong linggo..my bgyo...ang lungkot.,.yaw ko kc ng umuulan eh..kc nkikita ko ung mga friends ko n nbabasa..

lalo k na..nkita n nmn kita..katabi kita...nkuu..kitang-kita ng dalawa kong mata n basang-basa ka..gusto kitang isukob kso my ksama n ko sa aking payong..ayaw kong nkikita kang basa at baka mgkasakit k pa..db???...

pero sa kbutihang plad..hindi k nmn ngkasakit.,,dhil mlulungkot at mgsisisi ako pag ngkasakit ka..yaw ko nun! ouch!

i like the way you laugh

i love the way you look at me..(i'm shy)

i like the way you smile...but i will love it if you're smiling at me...

i like it when i see you talking but the worst is i can't hear your voice...

hope i can hear it some other time...i will cherished it when i hear it...

tlagang ang lungkot ko ngyong linggo n to..buti n lng eh ngiba khit ppno habang dumaraan ang linngong ito...
campaign din ngyon..nkakapagod sobra...
ngcmpaign kmi s aroon nyu...i love to see you...pero knbhan ako senyu..hay nkuu...
namimiss n kita,,sana dmting ung time n marinig ko ang boses mo...

hay..sasaya ako ng todo pag nngyari yon..aww!!
gusto kita lging nkikita..
gusto kitang mkausap,
gusto kitang mkatabi..
gusto kong tinitingnan mo ako...

ay..para akong nsa langit sa tuwing nkikita kita,,ay..nkakainis!

C_d

walking back to the 1 km. computer shop with my minds blow off....

uhmm..today??? nothings new...gnun p din..ok nmn...

khit ppno e nhinto n khit pno ung pgiisip ko syo,,,ang nkakapagod n pgiisip ko syo...kung alam mo lng super pagod n ko....

after classes this afternoon...i saw u..wala lng...

pero wala n din nmn skin..tulad ng dati..wala n u..khit ppno h nkalimutan n kita...

bwct ka...

hindi ko lm kung heavn k b or hell ewan..gulo nuh...

then..while walking through where i am now???

uhmm..lmilipad ung utak ko kkisip kung anu b dapat kong gwin..naiisip n nmn kita..bmblik n nmn ung sicknes ko syo..hindi k kc ngppramdam skin eh..gnun tlga.aww!! kkaiyak nmn.huhu

nkikinig ako ng music while walking those music reminds me of you...wala lng naaalala lng kita...

now i am typing these nonsense things in my blog..

nothings but for me it will a memory that i will cherished forever,,,


its been a long time since i see myself again walking in this sad high way....

ewan..hindi lng ako nkakadalaw dito kc nga wala c pichi dito...kc lgi ako dito pag nndito un eh.haha..nonsense

i love seeing yself having a day dreaming with you...aww..haha

wala lng..sarap ng feeling..drama mo!!!

so much for this...

ang head line lng ngyon is nung math time n nmin at calculus na eh...

biglng ngsulputan n ung mga issue nmin..c sir kc eh..nlaman nya n nginuman ung mga nnalo sa sco at ung mgA ngbigti party..haha

inis..kc nkhanap c sir ng pnkot smin...aww!!!

kaya ingat.ingat muna kmi kc nga nmn mlking trouble un pg nlmn at umabot sa office

..suspended b toh?? or worst kick out,aww!!! exaggerated!!!

pero gnun tlga kmi..exagg na..sanay na

tpos ntnung p ko ni sir kung alm daw b ng parents nmin n uminum kmi ang sbi ko n lng alm n ngparty kmi..aww...

tpos ung iba nmn tuloy2 p din sa isyuhan..nkuu.mdmi ung alam ni sir..patay!!!!

tpos...cla jonard,ershey and aubrey sma mu p ung ibng boys eh busy sa kung anu-anung mga words n lm mu n mn inappropriate...mga bastos n words n pnlitan nila ng terms...like jun2..un lng ntndaan ko kc busy ako sa paglelcture..haha

pero nkikinig pero un lng tlga ung nrinig ko promise..haha

ang saya tlga sa sch...

pero dmdting ung time n naiisip ko n mlpit n kming grumduate..we have to part ways even though our hearts dont want to..drama..but thats wat i feel...

gnun tlga..we have to accept the reality of life na drting ung time n un..

gnun tlga di masisi..haha

pero ang hirap..

college??? should i be excited?? ewan..d ko p iniisip yn sa ngyon..haha

enjoy ko muna 4th yr ko..haha

pero d maalis s isip ko nauubos n ang mga time n mgkksama kming lht as the IV-st. edith stein...hay...

i just love my high school life khit n nhihirapan ako...ok lng..gnun tlga..part un ng paglki..haha.anu daw???

ayaw ko pang grumaduate!!!!!!

kc baka hindi n kita mkita.,dapat bgo ako grumaduate eh my maganda akong memory n ddlhin for my college ko para khit pnu inspired ako.wafak..haha...

geh,,,nubus n time ko dito pero worth it..npunta daw b sa drama ng graduation..aww!!!

my suicide note..T_T..i just can't take it anymore!!!!..i'm SORRY

i feel so exhausted waiting for something that might not happen..but still i hold on because i love you..
i can't barely imagine myself falling for someone like you who would just waste my love...
honestly i want to move on because i know that this is resulting into nothing...but i can't understand .... myself why can't i just do it..
well..maybe that it is not just an easy thing to do...
but when will be the time for me to be vindicated from being a prisoner of pain??? when I'm already attempting to kill myself just to relieve all the pain deep inside me???
i don't want that to happen..
what should i do??? i don't know...

but i am too fed up and of everything!!!!

tired of thinking
tired of crying
tired of believing
tired of hoping
tired of being hurt
tired of accepting the reality
tired of being ignored by you
tired of getting rid of each other
tired of longing for you
tired of looking at you
tired of making you as the right person for me...
tired of you indifferent look at me..i just don't look at you so that the pain that i am going to feel in your indifferent look will be abated...

AND I AM STARTING
TO GET TIRED OF LOVING YOU...:((

maybe you just don't know how to love...


WASTED LOVE....

when will i be in paradise???
a paradise full of happiness.

without any single tear in my eye...
when will it be??


soon...T_T

cut it to bleed....

i love you...C_d